Full disclosure: this is not a particularly musical post.
Today is a momentous and bittersweet day in my home. For the past ten months we have been host parents to an exchange student, a teenage girl from Austria. Today she leaves us to return home.
We took a leap of faith when we signed up to be host parents, and she and her family took a leap of faith that she would be placed in a home that would meet her needs and interests. In hindsight, we all agree it went well, and was a rich and valuable growing experience for ALL of us. We have formed a bond that we all hope and expect will continue, despite her departure.
We share many values with our “daughter” and her family. And yet, our success was, in many ways, based on our differences. We learned from one another, and stretched our understanding of one another’s worlds: she was immersed in American life, and we were immersed in contemporary teenage life. We listened to each other’s music: her favorites were completely off our radar before, and we introduced her to an array of classical (and classic rock) music she’d never heard. We were reminded about how goofy teenagers can be, especially when they are in a group. She learned how goofy adults can be, especially because we have no self-consciousness or fear of embarrassment. We all learned to adjust to one another’s schedules, food preferences, sense of humor, and more. Human relations being what they are, we encountered a few bumps and obstacles along the way, and we all learned how to resolve them in a respectful, loving way and move on. Those are the experiences that make relationships stronger.
In preparing to say farewell to our guest daughter, we have thought a lot about our time together, and what made it such a positive experience. I think it is based on our mutual willingness — eagerness — to stretch ourselves and seek out new experiences. Since we decided to be a host family, many friends naturally asked us WHY … including a few who seemed truly baffled, even concerned, that we were being foolish or had no idea what we were getting into. Why disrupt our routine? Why bring a “stranger” into our home? Why take on the responsibility of parenting a teenager, and all it involves? The implicit message was that it would be at best a major inconvenience and at worst a disaster, because so much could go wrong. Conversely, we focused on all that could go RIGHT. We considered all the adjustments as opportunities: to learn, to grow, to stretch our wings as we facilitated our guest daughter’s learning and growth. To be clear, we did not go into this relationship with rose-colored glasses. We were realistic in our expectations, and well prepared by the agency that vetted us and our guest daughter. But we sought out this new experience, and we have been richly rewarded by it every single day.
We have shared a lot of laughter, and we have rolled our eyes at one another. We have explored new places together, and we have introduced her to some of our favorite familiar places, experiencing them anew through her. It’s been a pleasure and a growing experience for us to look at the world through her eyes, and her friends’ eyes. As she has grown and matured, we have also grown and changed for the better. We have tried to foster her curiosity and desire to have new experiences, and we hope and expect she will continue to seek out new and challenging experiences throughout her life.
Maybe it’s an innate quality to keep seeking out growth and new experiences, or maybe it’s a quality that one has in youth that dwindles and has to be fostered more assertively as we get older. Maybe it’s a little of both. I only know that it’s deeply gratifying to have new experiences — even, or especially challenging ones — and hosting our guest daughter was an unequivocally positive and life-affirming experience.
So on this momentous, bittersweet day, I encourage YOU to seek out a new experience and challenge yourself in some way, too. Step out of your comfort zone, and see how great it can feel!
Farewell, Nora. Thanks for all we shared, thanks for all you taught us. We miss you already.